Ode to Thought

Pandora is Kewlness

2009-12-07T02:57:00Z

Oh the great joys of life...

2009-12-07T02:28:58Z

Everything is beautiful!! I love you, I love my life, I love my dogs and my kid and my husband and my school and ...... well. You get the idea. Today has been the most awesome fucking day I ever had! Hope everyone elses day has been just as freaking great as mine!

new developments

2009-10-05T18:22:33Z

Finally got around to updating Never Mended. It's up to like four chaps now. What's it been... like three years?? anyway, i'll prolly get them posted up here soon and possibly even stick a fake cut over on fma yaoi and/or steel and sparks. also, i managed to start working on for the love of my brother again. i haven't exactly gotten that ready for update just yet.

and!!! (dum, dum, dum...) I've decided to do some extensive revision and lengthening to The Seventh Gate and try to get it published. Isn't everyone so excited?? *snerk* if no one else is gonna stroke my ego then i might as well do it myself right??

Ta for now... getting that updatage ready!

Never Mended Chapter One

2006-06-01T15:22:21Z

Chapter One

Warnings update: We now have angst, past references to NonCon, and perhaps more AU/DT

Pairing: Still Roy/Ed

Author's note: Okay… so here’s the dealie-yo. From a link provided on my lj account, I managed to find both Edward’s and Roy’s height and age. However, there seems to be a discrepancy. On Edward’s profile it says that he’s anywhere from 11 to16 because he ages throughout the series. Roy’s just says twenty nine. So, since Edward is 17 in my fic (if this goes against the movie I’m sorry ‘cause I haven’t seen it) Roy will be 30 ‘cause we’re going to assume that he was 29 at the end of the series when Ed was 16. Also, I have decided that Roy’s height of creeping up on 5 ft 7 in (5.67853016666666666666666667 ft give or take a six or two, and more or less exactly), isn’t a stately or well rounded enough height for our beloved hopeful dictator of skirt lengths. Pretend he hit a late growth spurt and stands a lovely 5ft 10 and three quarters inches. Ed has managed to make it to a whopping 5’4 1/2”. Go him. That will still leave Roy at not too tall but still a nice 6 and 1/4" taller than Ed (since I just don’t think he’d ever out grow him). Again, I apologize for any glaring deficiencies in my story line and welcome criticism and flames. Now on with the story.

Chapter One

Alphonse watched from the window as his brother braved the garden alone for the first time in months. It was hard to believe that Ed had gone from the small defenseless thing that had come through the gate, to this broken shell of a man. For a month after his return, Ed had refused to be in a room without Al there with him. Gradually he progressed to needing his brother just outside of his immediate line of sight, and, finally, to being able to be in the house. Never, never in the few months that he’d been back had Ed ventured outside alone.

At first Al had thought that his brother was only afraid that he would be taken away again. As days turned into weeks and weeks to months, he began to fear it was something more. Most nights Edward woke from screaming nightmares, his body straining to fight off unseen attackers. His days were spent as close to his brother as he could get without touching. That was another thing that bothered Alphonse, and what finally made all the pieces come together into a seamless whole.

Edward didn’t touch him anymore. Ed didn’t touch anyone anymore. He refused to spar with Al, didn’t allow Winry hug him and flatly rejected Pinako’s offer of comfort on the one and only occasion that she’d tried. Any time anyone came near him, Edward shied away from contact like a wild animal.

Men were the worst though. In the early days of his convalescence, Alex Louis Armstrong had come to visit the Fullmetal Alchemist. Just the sight of the man had sent Edward into hysterics. The man had left in tears, and it had taken two hours of reassurance before his brother could be coaxed from behind the couch where he’d squeezed his trembling body.

Al was quite frankly at his wits end. His brother seemed to be making little to no progress, and there were days when he could be set back to the very beginning by nothing more than an irritated glance in his direction. There was nothing more that he could do to help Edward on his own, but he did know someone who could.

He nodded decisively, and strode to the phone. “Hello, Schezka? Could you tell me where I might find General Mustang?”

Moments later the man himself was heard as he neared the phone. “No, Maes, I do not want to see the dress that Elysia wore for her birthday again; I saw it fine the last time.” There was a slightly disgruntled sound, then; “How may I help you today, Alphonse?”

“It’s about…my brother.”

“Edward?” Roy laughed. “How is our esteemed Fullmetal One today?”

“I think that brother was raped.”

There was an ominous pause. “What?”

Alphonse shivered slightly and looked over his shoulder. The General could sound positively menacing when he wanted to. Nonetheless, Al chose to answer. “I think that brother was raped.” He repeated.

“What makes you think that? Surely you haven’t come to this conclusion just because he wants to be near you? Alphonse—“

“No!” Al glanced furtively around the room and lowered his voice before he continued. “Brother is different now. He doesn’t smile anymore; he doesn’t sparkle. Anytime anyone is even a little angry around him, he panics! He won’t let anyone touch him anymore. He won’t let me touch him anymore!”

Roy’s eyes closed. The thought that Edward’s untamable spirit had been broken tore at his insides. But still… “Are you absolutely sure about this, Alphonse?”

“As sure as I can be without coming right out and asking him, which I’m not about to do. He’s not healing, Roy, and I don’t know how to help him anymore.”

Roy could hear the silent but plaintive help me help him tacked on to the end of Al’s entreaty. He sighed and carefully schooled his voice though his expression slipped into absolute agony for an instant. “Very well. I’ll be there in three days. Prepare him.”

“Thank you, General. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet, Alphonse. There may be no way to heal Edward’s spirit.”

“You will succeed, General Mustang, I know you will.”

Roy just wished that he had same belief in himself that the younger Elric had. He gently hung up the phone then allowed his head to drop heavily to his desk. I’ll save you Edward Elric, just as you once saved me. This will be my equivalent exchange.

Never Mended (FMA fic)

2006-05-31T18:35:06Z

Never Mended

Pairing: Roy/Ed if I hazarded a guess

Rated: Let’s say R for now, may increase later

Warnings: Don’t know yet. Perhaps minor spoilers? More DT than AU.

Author’s note: I have no idea where this is going. All I know is that I was inspired by the first sentence (which came from one of those staring at the wall moments) and knew I had to write something to go with it. Hope it turns out ok. The only thing that I’m sure of so far is that Roy and Ed end up together and that sometime somewhere in the not so recent past Ed was raped by someone(s)…. That’s all I guess. I lean toward being semi-helpless on the other side.

Disclaimer: Fanfiction. Let’s break it down people. Fan: someone who likes something bunches. Fiction: not true. As in I just made something up. As it is fanfiction, not owner fiction, that sort of implies that I don’t own it, ne?

@*@*@*@

Prelude

Edward Elric could admit when he was wrong. He could even apologize when necessary. After all, he was a man wasn’t he? An average sized gentleman trapped in a world of giants. He had gone and returned through the gate, served in the military since he was twelve, and attempted human transmutation even before that. Edward Elric knew who and what he was. And right now he was bored.

Alphonse gritted his teeth when his brother sighed for the fifteenth time in the past ten minutes. He’d been counting. Every time he’d managed to immerse himself in the alchemical text he was reading, his brother sighed, and Al’s concentration scattered to the four winds. Scattering to the winds was exactly what was going to happen to his brother if he si—

“huuhaaaaaa”

“That’s it!” Al slammed the cover shut with a bang and leaped up from the couch on which he and his brother sat. “Get out! Go look at flowers, annoy the grass. ANYTHING, as long as you do it somewhere else!”

Wounded golden eyes fixed on his more copper colored ones. Al’s tall lanky physique towered over his brother’s more petite frame and Edward shrank back from the obvious fury that was being directed at him. Al instantly backed down, but it didn’t seem to matter. Ed was trapped in the cycle of the past. His pupils dilated until only a slight ring of gold showed and he reached out a trembling hand. “Don’t… please.”

“Niisan.” Al gently touched Ed’s shoulder and the smaller boy flinched away as though he’d been struck. Fortunately, the touch managed to shock him out of his memories even as he scuttled back away from his brother.

“Don’t, Al. Just don’t.” The blonde heaved a great shuddering breath and turned away to hide his shame.

Yes. Edward Elric knew what he was: seventeen, former military dog, and broken.

@*@*@*@

On a side note: Does anyone know how tall Roy is?? I've looked and looked but nowhere seems to have it listed. I don't really want to make something up, but I need to know it to finish chapter one. Also an exact age would be helpful. ^__^

For the Love of My Brother Chapter Two

2006-05-25T18:19:05Z

Author’s note: I know I know. There I was wanting to update once a day and it’s been more than a month! I’ve had this on hard copy for most of that month, just no time to type it up and do all the other things that make it readable. Still I hope that it was worth the wait (even a little). Hope to update soon!!

The trip to Augusta City would have been uneventful if it hadn’t been for the fact that the Tomas birds had taken an instant dislike to Wolfwood. The poor man had kissed dirt no less than five times in the last hour alone, and he was very put out by the whole affair.

Apparently so was his mount. Nick went airborne again. This time the bird managed a well placed kick on its victim before he hit the ground. It took a few seconds for Nick to rally himself in preparation of an impressive leap from ass over appetite to standing with gun drawn and pointed directly at his obvious nemesis. The Tomas graced him with an avian sneer and turned its back in palpable disgust.

Vash was hard pressed to hold back a snigger. Tomas: 1, Wolfwood: 0

Nick growled. “Should have stuck to the damn bike. It may break down often but at least I’d get somewhere before it did!”

This time Vash couldn’t help himself. He laughed heartily, nearly losing his seat on his own bird. Milly joined in on his laughter while Meryl just regarded the three of them in blatant irritation. “Really, you three, we should really think about getting to Augusta. I’d really like a bath and a bed before we have to spend the night out here!”

The rock near Vash’s head shattered. Before the rapport from the shot was heard, the two men had the insurance girls under cover behind them and were carefully searching for the origin of the bullet. Cautiously, Vash poked his head above the rocks. He was chased back down by a rain of stone. “We’ve got to find more cover! There’s no way I can get off a shot without getting my head blown off!”

Nick nodded shortly. He spotted a slightly larger outcropping of rock and pointed to it. “Cover me and I’ll go check that out.”

Vash said nothing, but leapt up and began laying down fire. Nick scrambled to reach the safety of the cliff, expecting to be shot any minute. Somehow he made it without any extra ventilation. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath and examine their new area of safety. What he saw was nothing like what he had expected to see.

There, just behind the concealing protrusion stood Legato. He leaned back against his post in nonchalant ease, blue hair glinting in the sun, and a slight smirk tilting his cruel lips.

Nick growled. “What do you want?”

Legato arched a perfect eyebrow. “Is that any way to talk to your superior?” His mild curious sounding question made Nick feel like some new specimen of bug being studied.

It only made him feel more belligerent. “You’re going to blow my cover, you ass! Now what do you want?”

Legato sniffed. “Your cover does not concern me. Orders do, however. The master has ordered that Vash be brought to him.”

“Are you crazy? How the hell am I going to get the needle-noggin to go after his brother? He’ll kill me, or you, or both! He’s not going after Knives until he thinks he can defeat him, and Vash isn’t ready yet!”

Legato chuckled. “Ready or not, he will go.”

Wolfwood tried to hide a shudder. Legato’s widening smirk told him that he’d failed but he tried to brazen it out nonetheless. “What makes you think that you can make Vash the Stampede do any damn thing that he doesn’t want to?”

“Simple. I’m going to kill his best friend.”

There was no change in expression when Legato raised the gun that had been hidden in the folds of his coat and shot Nick in the chest at point blank range.

#####

Legato whimpered piteously. He writhed, in too much pain to even scream, trying to escape from the agony that pierced his body like thousands of needles. He carefully cracked open one bleary golden eye, wanting desperately to reach out to his tormentor, plead with the emotionless creature who was the cause of his anguish, but knowing it was futile.

Knives caught his servant’s cautious glance and increased the pressure on the man, inciting a keening wail from his victim. Calmly he regarded the broken form in front of him, before asking curiously; “I don’t remember telling you to try to kill him, Bluesummers. Surely I would recall such an order, don’t you think?”

Legato shuddered. “Y-yes, master.”

Knives smiled benignly. “Then you were going against my orders, Legato?”

“No, master!”

The blonde man dropped his serene façade. “You can’t have it both ways, spider! My brother is mine. MINE! This shall be your reminder, Legato. Do not fail me again.”

Legato would have tried to abate his master’s fury, but he was to busy screaming. Next time, if there was a next time, he would be more careful to be sure that Vash not only died but that it looked more like an accident. After all, Vash may have belonged to Knives, but Knives’ love belonged to Legato Bluesummers and someday the man would admit it.

####

Vash watched over Nick as his friend thrashed in his sleep. The man was still burning with fever two days after having the bullet removed from his chest and the blonde was starting to worry that this time Wolfwood wouldn’t recover. A slight whisper from the man on the bed caused Vash to raise his head from where it lay on the mattress. Sharp teal green eyes watched for any new developments from the patient and after a few moments, the blonde was almost certain that he had imagined the whole thing. Just as he was about to give up the sound was repeated. Had that been… his name??

Carefully Vash leaned closer. “Nick? Are you awake?”

If he hadn’t been so near to his friend he never would have understood what was said next. As it was, he was shocked enough to doubt his hearing.

“Vash… have to warn Vash…”

“Have to warn me about what? Nick??”

A strong hand darted out and caught Vash’s shirt to hold him in place. “They’re after you Vash. They want you. Don’t go near them… don’t go!”

“Don’t go where? Who wants me?”

“Legato….Knives…”

The grip slackened and Nick’s hand dropped lifelessly to the blankets. Vash sat back in his chair, his expression sad, stunned, and overshadowing all of the others, a terrible anger. Is that all that it will take to end this, brother? If I just go to you, will it stop this madness?

Vash shot to his feet. The chair toppled to the ground behind him with a bang that startled Milly and Meryl who were standing near the door. “Vash…” Meryl started carefully. “You know you can’t go there, right?”

The plant’s eyes were cold on the girl, holding a rare fury. “I have to go. This has to end now, before more people are killed. Stay here and take care of Nick. Do not try to follow me this time. I may not be able to protect you from them both.”

“But, Mr. Vash…”

“No.” Vash walked from the room in a swirl of red.

With that set expression and those usually warm eyes carrying an arctic glint, Vash looked so much like his brother that the girls shivered in fear. This wasn’t the fun loving silly Vash that they knew. This was the Humanoid Typhoon, and this time he looked ready for battle. Meryl kept watching him, tears trickling down her face, until the sands seemed to swallow his tall form into them.

Vash deliberately sent his thoughts searching for his brother for the first time in a century. I’m coming for you brother. It’s time to end this.

There was a dark caressing chuckle across his thoughts. I look forward to it, brother.

####

Knives kicked at the prone form before him. “Well, Legato, it seems as though your blundering has actually been a boon in disguise. There may be some use to be had from your servitude yet.”

Legato’s only response was a broken whimper.

Knives laughed. "Yes, brother. Come. Come to me quickly."

First Fruits Basket Fic!

2006-04-18T16:16:27Z

Things in the Sheets

Series: Fruits Basket

Warnings: Masturbation, Lemony Tohru/Haru stuff, PWP

Summary: Shigure should change his own sheets from now on. Either that or hide his toys better!

Disclaimer: This is a fanfiction. Fanfiction is defined by Google as follows: “fiction written by people who enjoy a film, novel, television show or other media work, using the characters and situations developed in it and developing new plots in which to use these characters.” If I owned it, it would be manga.

Rated: NC-17

In the week since Honda Tohru had met Hatsuharu Souma, she had been unable to push him from her thoughts. There was just something about the boy that managed to insinuate him into her mind and stick him there. Whether this was a good thing or not was most certainly debatable in Tohru’s opinion, but really there didn’t seem to be much that she could do about it.

Sighing, she pushed open the door and called out “Tadaima!”

Only silence answered. Tohru tilted her head. “Hmmm… everyone must be out today. I’ll just get the house cleaned up before they get home!” Humming happily, she wandered into the kitchen to get started.

About an hour later~

“That didn’t take long! What to do, what to do… everything is done!” Tohru put her finger to her cheek in an adorably confused manner. “I’ll change the sheets! Shigure-san didn’t have his in last week’s laundry and surely he’d appreciate clean ones!” Happily she bounced her way upstairs and into the dog’s room.

Tohru tried to keep herself from looking around since what Shigure had in his bedroom wasn’t really any of her business, but when she stripped back his blankets she heard something hit the floor with a thunk.

Curiously she dug through the tangled fabric until her hand met something slightly cool and firm to the touch. Nervously glancing back at the door, she pulled out the object and regarded it interestedly. “What is this?” Turning the thing this way and that somehow managed to cause it to tremble and vibrate in her hands.

Tohru squeaked and dropped the thing right between her legs. The rhythmic pulsing against her center caused her hips to jerk forward and her insides to flood with warmth. Her thoughts turned immediately to Haru and the dreams she’d been having. This thing though was both assuaging and intensifying the ache.

“Maybe Shigure-san wouldn’t mind if I borrowed this? He did say that everything here was mine too.” Nodding to herself, Tohru scooped the thing up and trotted back to her room.

Cradling it in her lap, Tohru couldn’t help from rocking back in forth against the wonderful vibrations. Eventually though, the stimulation wasn’t enough anymore and she pulled her dress up and out of the way, placing it back against her panties.

“OOOhhhh… this is much better! If it feels this good, then maybe I should try it against my skin?”

Pleased with her self for having thought of that, she quickly slipped out of her panties and lay back on the bed. She spread her legs and brought the shaking thing against her throbbing skin. The sensation nearly made her scream.

Frantically she rubbed it against her as she thrashed. Finally she managed just the right combination of movements and the vibrator slipped inside of her. This time she did scream, arching wildly. Each thrust of the smooth rubber into her untried body forced another cry from the writhing girl. If anyone had been there to listen, they would have heard breathy moans and Haru’s name ringing through the house. Thankfully, though, there was no one there to hear. Or so Tohru thought.

Dark eyes watched through the slightly opened door of Tohru’s room. The piercing gaze followed each twist of the girl’s lithe body as she brought herself closer and closer to screaming orgasm. Just before Tohru could reach the pinnacle of her pleasure, the door was pushed silently open to reveal the watcher in all his aroused glory.

“Wouldn’t you rather have the real thing, Honda-san?”

Tohru’s frantic movements halted instantly and her glazed eyes snapped open to see the very object of her nightly fantasies gazing down at her with burning eyes and a very noticeable tent in the front of his pants.

“Hatsuharu-san…”

The breathy desire in the girl’s voice made Haru shudder. He smirked down at the disheveled temptress on the bed. “Honda-san, good girls shouldn’t do this sort of thing to themselves.”

“I—I…”

Long slim fingers drifted to the fastenings of his shirt, and he allowed the material to slither down his arm and pool on the floor. Tohru cold only stare at each new inch of skin revealed and remind herself not to drool.

Haru’s smirk widened into a decidedly evil grin. “Since you shouldn’t be doing these things, and I am your friend, I’ll help you. Would you like that Honda-san?”

Without giving the onigiri a chance to reply, he quickly divested himself of his remaining clothing and pounced upon the still stunned girl. Haru swiftly pulled the dildo from between her quivering thighs and replaced it with his lips and tongue. Tohru’s hands instantly gripped his hair and she screamed his name in ecstasy.

Haru was lost in the scent and taste of her. He could feel the more animal side of his nature trying to take over, and gave himself willingly over to it. He pulled his mouth away from her and swiftly pulled her slender body into a kneeling position. Without pausing, he pushed his straining cock deeply into her, moaning with pleasure when her walls gripped his length as if they were trying to pull him deeper.

Slowly he pulled out of her. Just before he left her completely, Haru snapped his hips forward, burying himself again. Tohru screamed.

Again he pulled from her, and she whimpered, pushing her body back against his hips, begging for more. He obliged and was rewarded with her screaming his own name.

Bedsprings squealed in protest against his punishment of the naughty onigiri, but Tohru cried her adulation to the heavens as he pounded her roughly.

“Hatsuharu… oooooohhhhhhh, HaruHaruHaruHaruHaru…. AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!”

Tight walls clenched down on his length and Haru couldn’t hold back. He pulled Tohru’s hips hard against his own, burying himself deeply into her as he released a low growl. She felt his come coating her inner walls, heard his rumbling sound of pleasure, and knew no more.

Hours later Tohru woke to find herself fully clothed and under her own blankets with nothing out of place. She took a deep breath and released it in a sigh. “What a dream.” She eased herself out of bed, and tiptoed toward the door.

Peaking out into the hall, she found it to be empty. Squeezing her eyes closed, she ran toward the stairs. Five steps later she crashed into something solid. Her bottom met forcefully with the floor and Tohru heard a soft poof. Fearfully she looked up to see… a black and white cow.

“Ha—hatsuharu-san?”

Haru was briefly thankful that cows couldn’t really have expressions because he was certain that he couldn’t keep the self-satisfied smirk off his usually placid features. His little onigiri was looking deliciously tumbled and thoroughly embarrassed, and Haru was having a difficult time swallowing his amusement while she stuttered through her apologies.

“Honda-san, I just came by to check up on you since Shigure said that everyone would be out this evening, but when I left you earlier, you seemed to be sleeping peacefully, so I decided to wait until you woke up.”

Tohru blushed a most becoming shade of crimson. “Th-thank you Hatsuharu-san. I guess I really needed that nap. I’m sorry to have kept you waiting though. Would you like a snack, or some tea?”

“That’s quite alright, Honda-san. I’ve already had a ‘snack’.” There was a poof and a cloud of smoke and Haru stood there in all his naked glory. Tohru was spellbound for a moment before she whipped around to allow the boy to dress in semi-privacy.

Author’s note: I’m not sure if I want to continue this or not. I would appreciate knowing if you thought that it was any good though. Hooray for me. This is both my first Fruits Basket fic AND my first het fic. Let me know if you think that it sucked, needed improvement, or was really good!

For the Love of My Brother II

2006-04-07T19:14:43Z

Series: Trigun

Title: For the Love of My Brother
Chapter I: Oh Brother, My Brother

Pairings: Twincest (VashxKnives)

Warnings: NCS, not nice things, Angst, etc.

Genre: Alternate Timeline, Divergent Future thing

Summary: Knives learns that physical strength doesn't mean that he has power. Together the brothers will face the hatred in their past, and Vash will try to teach his brother to love and trust again.

All previous disclaimers apply

Author Ramble: As I haven’t seen the whole series, any spoilers are purely coincidental. I hope that this meets with approval for the first chapter. More coming soon! Hopefully I’ll be able to update once a day, but I make no promises. Just depends on the whims of my muses and the teething of my daughter. ^__^

Back to Prologue

Chapter One: Brother, My Brother

Vash could never really sleep with anyone else in the room. He didn’t mind that usually, because there had been times that being able to sense someone coming into his room had meant the difference between being alive and very very dead. Now, though, it was nothing but completely annoying.

Jade chipped eyes slitted open to regard the sleeping countenance of his friend. Nick could be many things, but asleep he was truly beautiful. Long lashes curved over sharp cheekbones, and soft breaths caused the man’s unblemished chest to gently rise and fall. Vash envied him the ability to fall asleep just about anywhere. He fervently wished for just a bit of Wolfwood’s perfection of body, mind, and spirit.

Over time Vash slowly learned to trust the other man, and was hoping that this time he might be able to break his long habit of only half dozing when someone else was near. There had been too many sleepless nights recently, and he was tired. God, he was just so damn tired. Vash allowed his eyes to drop closed and began repeating soft mantras to lull himself into slumber.

Nick jerked awake to darkness. He lay perfectly still until he could pinpoint what had triggered his senses. That’s when he heard the whimpering, the sound of a lost and broken child. For a moment Nicholas was puzzled as to how anyone, child or not, had managed to get that close to him without making him even stir to semi-wakefulness, then he realized that the sound was coming from the second bed.

Vash! Was he hurt? He certainly sounded like he was in pain. As a matter of fact, while Nick watched his friend, wondering if he should wake him, the soft whines turned into full fledged screams of absolute agony. The lanky body thrashed against the sheets, fingers shredding the fragile material under them while the man’s almost childlike pleading escalated into racking sobs. It almost sounded like he was crying out for someone. That’s it. I’m waking him up. Even if it is just a simple nightmare, which I doubt, he’ll wake up the entire town at this rate.

He slid himself from under his blankets and padded across the room to where Vash lay writhing and crying in his sleep. Unaware of the very real danger that he was in, Nick reached down and firmly grasped the blonde’s shoulder, shaking him roughly. Before Nick could even blink he found himself flipped onto the bed with Vash looming over him. Cold sweat trickled down his spine as he gazed up over the business end of Vash’s colt and into fear maddened sea green.

“Vash…”

“Never again, you bastard! Do you hear me? NEVER AGAIN!”

For the fist time Nick realized just how much the sound of a pistol cocking in the darkness sounded very much like death. “Vash, it’s me. Nick. Remember?”

Slowly, the shadows lifted, and Nick could see awareness come back into the face in front of him. Suddenly he found himself with an arm full of sobbing gunman, and Nick cradled him close, whispering soothing nonsense into the night. Finally, the weeping morphed into something that sounded like speech. Nick couldn’t understand much of what Vash was mumbling into his shoulder, but one word stood out.

“Knives…”

*****

Eyes of endless blue snapped open just in time to choke off a desperate scream. Knives pulled upright, hunching down over himself. Phantom pains ghosted across his skin, and he clenched his eyes shut to hold back the flood of tears that he knew would come if he let them. It’s over. Just a memory. Not happening again. It’s not, it’s not, it’s not... It’s over, not happening again, he’s dead Knives. Not again. Never again.

Eventually Knives allowed himself to relax back into his mattress, succumbing to his brother’s voice sighing through his mind, and ghostly arms holding comfortingly close to his brother’s body.

Vash won’t leave me this time. It’s just a dream. Vash is here…

“Vash…”

*****

It seemed like an eternity before Vash had calmed enough to ease away from the comforting protection of Wolfwood’s arms. When he did, though, it was with such a heartrending expression of resignation and shame that Nick almost found himself crying for the pain that this man had endured. Though he didn’t know the real reason for Vash’s anguish, he’d heard that same pained cry from his own mother and he did know what had caused it for her. Rape.

Carefully he pulled the blonde closer to him and rocked him gently. “Vash…”

“Don’t, Nick. Just… don’t.” He carefully pulled away from his friend and turned away. “Look, I’m sorry but could you… go check on Milly and Meryl?”

For just a moment Nick considered staying, forcing Vash to admit what had happened, but finally he nodded and turned away. “Sure, Vash. I’ll do that and head over to have breakfast or something. Okay?”

The other man shuddered. “Thanks.”

Alone in the dark, Vash snuggled back down into his bed and pulled the blankets over himself, making a tight cocoon to shield him from the world.

“It’s over. It didn’t happen again.” He whispered, pulling a pillow close to his chest.

“Good night, brother.”

And against all odds Vash slept, feeling his brother lying next to him, each protecting the other from the monsters of the night.

*****

Knives woke in a very bad mood.

I could feel him there with me again. Holding me close while we slept, protecting me like he hadn’t in more than a hundred and thirty years. My brother’s arms cradled me to his warmth and for the first time in many years I slept deeply and without dreams, knowing that I was protected because he was here with me again. The blonde plant sneered at the very thought.

“Legato.”

Moments later there was a slight tap at his door.

“Enter.”

The blue haired telekinetic (1) took three steps into the room and dropped to his knees. “How can I serve you, master?”

Knives looked down at his strongest servant with something between fondness and loathing. “Find Chapel, Legato. He’s being neglectful of his mission. I want my brother brought to me.”

“Yes, master.” Legato’s bow scraped the floor before he rose gracefully to his feet to leave the room as quietly as he had come.

“Oh and Legato…”

The blue haired man turned back to Knives and raised a questioning brow. “Master?”

“Make sure that Chapel understands the price of failure.”

His servant gave a sharp nod and swept from the room. Knives made a mental note to reward Legato for his service by making sure that he didn’t linger when it came time for him to die. After all, as good as he was at his job; the man was still a spider.

“This time, Vash, I’ll show you that to save the butterfly, the spider must die. I’ll make you understand that for us to live they must die.”

*****

Vash woke rested but not refreshed. The twin suns had already risen and the air was scorching and dry on his skin. His mouth felt like cotton, and his head throbbed, and he hadn’t even been drinking the night before. All in all it was shaping up to be a truly awful day and he hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet.

His opinion was confirmed when he heard Wolfwood arguing with Meryl and Milly just outside the door.

“We’re going to miss the sand steamer! We have to get him up!”

Meryl his groggy mind supplied.

“I’m telling you to leave him alone! He was up late last night, and I’m sure we can catch the next one!”

Ah, Nick. Good friend that he was, he defended him to the quick tempered girl.

“Ah, maybe we should take this somewhere else or he’ll be up anyway.”

Sweet Milly, the voice of reason. Vash sighed and heaved himself out of bed to stagger toward the door. He pulled the wooden panel open swiftly and was greeted with one bright smile and two open mouths. Ah, the makings of a wonderful morning.

“Good morning, Mr. Vash! Did you sleep well?”

The blonde thought uncharitably that Milly should be able to tell by looking at him that he hadn’t slept all that well. Instantly he felt guilty, and gifted the girl with a weak grin. “Wonderfully, thanks, Milly!”

Wolfwood slanted him a suspiciously knowing look and Meryl just humphed and turned away with a mumbled, “well let’s go then!” and dragged an apologetically waving Milly behind her.

Nick put a restraining hand on his friend’s shoulder when he moved to go back into the room for his things. “Vash…”

“Not now, Nick. Now I just want to move on.”

“You’ll have to face him soon, Vash. Knives won’t wait forever you know, and when he comes after you, he’ll take them” he nodded toward the girls. “down to get to you.”

“I know, Nick. I just don’t want to have to fight him again.”

“Some things can’t end in peace and love, Vash.”

“I know. This one can though. I’ll make sure of it.”

Wolfwood wasn’t convinced, even when looking straight into the determined face and sad eyes of a betrayed brother before the door snicked closed. Silently, he wondered who would win this fight, and he sent up a little prayer to a god he didn’t really believe in, hoping for Vash to get his happy ending.

Alone in his room, Vash looked out the grimy window. “This time I’ll win, Knives. I’ll prove to you that we can live in peace. I’ll teach you how to love again brother, and neither of us will ever be alone again.”

Somewhere far away from Vash, Knives shivered.

(1) I’ve read that telekinesis is the power that Legato has, however after hearing what he can do with it (I haven’t gotten that far in the series yet) I think that really he has more of telepathy. Either way, telekinesis is what they call it so that’s what I’ll say it is too. ^__^

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For the Love of My Brother

2006-04-07T00:46:05Z

Series: Trigun

Rated: NC-17

Author's Note: So I obviously wasn’t the only person who thought that that Steve guy was just a little too fixated on Knives. After watching that one ep. (don’t know which number it was) and seeing how much he hated those boys and how quickly Knives took the flying leap off the deep end, it just screamed rape to me. So, here’s my take on the reason for Millions Knives’ insanity and the brothers’ relationship in general.

Warnings: First Trigun fic. Slight minor/ped stuff, past NCS (which may or may not be flashed back to), yaoi, twincest, and oddness in general, angst, and prolly more that I’ve forgotten. Be warned.

Summary: Knives once thought that Vash was the weaker twin. Now he learns that physical strength does not make one more powerful, and Vash learns what he is capable of doing for the love of his brother. That's as good as it gets for now ppl. I have no idea where this is going.

Disclaimer: It's MINE! ALL MINE!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

*Knock Knock*

Ahem. 'Scuse me while I get the door.

"Ma'am, I'm Agent Smith from the FBI, and this is Agent Black from inter-pol. You're under arrest for impersonating a Japanese citizen, and stealing credit where none is due. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used...."

"Wait!!!! It's not mine! It's not! I'm just a poor starving fanfic writer. Don't arrest me! I admit it! I'm not Japanese! I'm not the owner! I don't even own the merchandise!!! Pleeeaaaaaaase!!!! Oh wait! Are there hot Japanese boy guards at the prison??"

Agents sweatdrop.....

Prologue:

He’s with her again. He never has time for me anymore; he never sees how much I love him, how much I need him with me. It’s not too bad, though. I’m never really without Vash. I can always feel him there, a feather-light touch in the back of my mind that tells me without words that he loves me too. Knowing that he still needs me as much as I need him makes it alright that he isn’t here where I can feel his warmth enfolding me.

Rem loves him more than me. I know it. I feel it pouring from her in waves when she wraps those motherly arms around my brother like she never does to me. I can see it in her eyes when she looks at him so proudly when he learns something new, but that doesn’t matter either, because I can still feel Vash there with me, in me, and my brother really is all that I need.

There are people on this ship who hate me. I know this. It oozes from them in an oily black cloud that makes me sick when I come too close and I wonder how it is that Vash doesn’t seem to notice it while he bounces his way around the decks and pokes his nose into everything. Then I realize that he doesn’t notice because it isn’t there for him, and that’s one more thing that I push away from me while I swear that Vash will never have to know because I love him, and he loves me and that’s all I need here.

Finally, finally, there came a day when just feeling him touch me would have saved my soul and pieced together the broken pieces of my mind, but he wasn’t there because he was with Rem and I hated her for the first time in that moment when I severed my link to my brother for the only time in my life.

I did it to save him. I did it so that he would never know what was happening to me in that dark corner of the hold where I was held down and pounded until the blood poured from me like a river of crimson while I screamed and cried out for Vash, knowing that he wouldn’t come this time because I was alone, really truly alone, for the first time in my life and Vash hadn’t even noticed the separation because he was with that woman, and when Steve released his seed into my torn body they planted themselves into my broken mind and grew there into a field of sharp and thorny hatred for everything human in the universe.

They would all die, starting with that fly that had masqueraded as a spider. I would build my web and suck the life from him like he had tried to do to me and I would prove to him just who would be envenomating whom.

It would be over a century before I discovered that I hadn’t severed the link to Vash that day. I hadn’t had the power to break it because I hadn’t been the one who created it. So I didn’t know that my beloved innocent brother had lost as much that day as I had as he writhed on the floor, bleeding from an unseen attacker and screaming my name while Rem held him and cried for his pain. His pain, but not mine. Never mine.

On to Chapter One

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Lemon Fest Survey

2006-03-21T23:00:21Z

After much thought and consideration, I have decided that my lemon writing needs some work to make it more realistic. So here's a survey for everyone. Anyone who knows the answers to any of the questions my reply but it's really for any of the guys out there.

I'm a girl so I don't really know these things. Any feedback at all helps out!

Thanks!!

1. Which position (boy/boy) is the most/least pleasurable?

2. Would you or would you not recommend stretching your partner before hand?
3. Would you prefer long extended foreplay or very little?

4. After sex, do you like to cuddle or just roll over and start snoring?

5. Are your nipples very sensitive or not really?

6. What is the best way to give a blowjob? Sucking, Licking, or something else? Would you rather be teased or just have the other person go at it? Also, would you like a little bit of teeth or not.

7. Does prostate stimulation really feel that great? If not some comparison would be nice.

8. When having sex with another man, is extra penile stimulation really necessary?

9. Just how sensitive is the scrotum and anus?

10. A note on any other particular sensitive areas for men.

11. Does the first time being with another man hurt, hurt worse, or the same.

12. Over time does it end up being less tight or is it about the same?

13. Does dirty talk/What kind of dirty talk turns men on?

14. After having sex, does the bottom really leak?

15. Finally, what is the best/worst lube for the job??

If anyone can think of anything that I may have forgotten, please feel free to share!

Fruits Basket Rant #1 & 2

2006-02-22T18:31:21Z

Rant #1:

I loved the anime (can't find the manga, which is bugging me) the boys are all stunningly lovely (one word: Ayame. sigh. he could hang out in my shirt whenever he wanted) BUT The way that anime ended was just WRONG!!!!!!!! I mean it just cut off right in the middle of the story! You don't know what happens to poor Kyo (I hear something about being locked up in a room like his sensei's grandfather), you don't know if the curse is broken, you don't know if Tohru ends up with her memories erased or in love with Yuki or Kyo or (god help my heart) even in a threesome with them. Ayame has faaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr too little screen time. and were he, Shigure, and Hatori lovers in the past (and/or present) or is it just me???? Surely the manga would clear up some of these little discrepancies for my poor overloaded brain, but I can't freaking find it!

/end rant #1

*pant pant*

Ok. On to

Rant #2:

I was deeply traumatized to hear that Akito was really a girl. As a fanfic writer I have chosen to completely erase this little bit of knowledge from my brain. (Especially since it totally ruined one of my favourite pairings) Also, I totally refuse to believe that it was ever true in the first place, and I can prove it!

Proof #1: Akito has a man's voice. Now i could see how this might be slightly confusing seeing as he almost always speaks in a soft, low tone but even when he's screaming at Hatori in ep. 26 that's definitely a man I hear. No woman when they're that pissed could stop from getting at least slightly shrill.

Proof #2: Those skin tight shirts when he goes to the school and when he's in the rain with Tohru. No boobies there folks!! Surely if he were a girl there would be at least a little bump or something!

Proof #3: In ep. 26 when his kimono slips off his shoulders, you can clearly see his chest. No boobies there either.

I, as the fanfic writer, have arbitrarily decided that Akito is a man. Let's just say that when he was born, the attending doctor was on crack that day, or drunk, or hell even just blind. I'll even accept that he was born a girl and had a sex change or something later. Akito is a man folks. Deal with it.

On a side note: Even if he were a girl (which he's not cause I said so) it is my god given right (no pun intended) to make him whatever freaking sex I want him to be. If there can be gender switching and body switching and m-preg fics and vampires or werewolves or any damn thing else in fiction I can just go on thinking that Akito is a man.

/Rant #2

Mini rant on Fanfic Disclaimers:

Fan fiction (also spelled fanfiction and commonly abbreviated to fanfic) is defined as follows:

Fiction written by people who enjoy a film, novel, television show or other media work, using the characters and situations developed in it and developing new plots in which to use these characters.

If I owned it, it would be manga.

Disclaimers are stupid.

So.... that being said, I have hereby decided to undertake my very first Fruits Basket fanfic ever! Wish me luck folks!

The Complete, Utter, and Total Stupidity of the Human Race

2006-02-01T21:16:13Z

First off I'd really like to imagine that there's a way I could broadcast this to the world and assure myself that every single person in it reads this. An article found here inspired me on this little rant. As a begining note: It is the pinnacle of human arrogance and fallacy to assume that any one person knows and understands the mind of God. Now I'm not a religious person, but I've read the bible cover to cover (thank you very much) and was raised Southern Baptist, which seems to be mandatory if you're born south of the Mason-Dixon line, but...

It may say in there that you're "not to lie with another man as a woman" but it also says "judge not lest ye be judged."

This being the case, I think that the dear Mr. Fred Phelps who is supposedly instigating this whole stain on the honor of mankind should be soundly spanked for his trouble, and then be forced to read, watch, or participate in anal fornication, yaoi, slash, and any other variation thereof and anything I may have forgotten for the rest of his natural life.

And the good Mr. Phelps can kiss my rosy red ass. Also, my next lemon fic is dedicated to the lovely Fred Phelps and I'll be sure to write that fact in big bold underlined letters right there on top. I hope he goes into convulsions when he finds out how many writers he just inspired to write beautiful lovely lemony slash fiction.

Be afraid Mr. Phelps, be very afraid. You're adding to the corruption!!!

Thank you and good evening.

New Icons

2006-01-03T18:16:24Z

More Icons! Man I love this. I always wanted to be an artist but I sorta suck. lol So here they are!!
Mostly worksafe I think...

The consensus is:

Hughes - 2
Envy - 1
Envy/Ed - 1
Scar - 1
Greed/Kimbley
Havoc - 1
Ed Hughes - 1
Ed/Roy - 3
Yoki - 1

Text:

Who's your daddy
So you wanna date my daughter
I deserve your envy
Envy me, for I have my chibi, and you do not
The real reason people shouldn't eat glowsticks
Envy me my Greed
Sexy man with a gun
Maes-dar Malfunction
Roy Mustang, Sparking the interest of Eds everywhere
You want to what?
Allergy Problem

and because I just couldn't resist...

Got Fluffy
and
I'll make you howl baby

Take if you want and enjoy!

Credit for the pics used goes to my friend Tiffany, who got them from....somewhere. I think they're all screencaps.

Oddly Enough...

2006-01-03T05:48:51Z

Y'know, I see so many people who are married on these comms, or even family members reading and writing together and I'm forced to wonder: Why can't this happen to me?? Does anyone else get the speech that "You're living in a dream world." or "Your email groups and lj comms are breaking the computer." Which is stupid cause I'm the one who built the damn computer and keeps the freaking thing running. How does this happen?? Find me a yaoi lovin' husband damn it!! lol.

Off to try some fan art for iconage!

la de friggin da.

Icon for me, Icon for you

2006-01-01T05:21:43Z

Will this work?? Maybe it will, maybe it won't. I guess we're about to find out!

I love photobucket!!

Hula-ing for Dummies II

2005-12-29T07:47:45Z

Title: Hula-ing for Dummies-Part Two

Author: feisonna@yahoo.com

Rating: Hard R/NC-17

Pairing: Roy/Ed

Author's Note: I wasn't going to get this detailed originally but it just sort of turned out this way. Hope you like it!!

Part One

Roy's birthday found Fullmetal trying to quietly throw himself out of his bedroom window. Al was hanging onto his foot with all of his strength and struggling to pull his writhing brother back inside the room. Finally, the boy was forced to admit defeat, because even though Edward was smaller than Alphonse by several inches, the shorter boy had the strength of desperation behind his flailing. So, unable to force his brother back into the room Al opted to try for reason.

"Please, niisan, just come back in and we can talk about it!"

"No!" the blonde wailed. "There's nothing to talk about! I am NOT wearing a miniskirt, grass or otherwise, in front of that hentai! Just let me die!!"

Alphonse shifted his grip for better leverage and heaved. "Brother, I demand that you come back into this room! You lost the bet, now be a man and pay the forfeit!"

"Who are you calling such an insignificant speck that people can't even tell that he's a male?!?!" The millisecond that it took Edward to fold himself in half and levitate himself back through the window gave Al all the time that he needed to drop his brother's foot and head for cover. He smirked to himself. At least Edward was back inside the room.

After assuring the police that no, no one was dead or being held hostage (which was easier since Ed was recognized fairly quickly by one of the officers) and repairing the two tables and a lamp that were sacrificed to his brother's fury, Alphonse began to tackle the problem of getting Edward to actually wear his newly shortened grass hula skirt.

The blonde was stubbornly refusing to exit the bathroom (that for some reason now had no door) so Al was reduce to pounding on the wall. "Edward Elric! I demand that you put the door right back where it was!"

"No! I'm not doing it and you can't make me!!"

/Damn it, Colonel, you owe me for this./ "Reconstruct this door, niisan!"

"NONONO! I WON'T!"

A few chalk lines later and the door was still missing but there was a decent sized hole in the wall. Edward struggled, flailing and screaming with incoherent rage as his brother wrestled him in to another transmutation circle and activated it.

One flash of light and a murder attempt later, Edward was dragged into a waiting car. He tugged at the short grass of his skirt forlornly and glared at a carefully not smirking Havoc.

SLAP

"Stop that, brother. If you tear that skirt then you'll just have to do the dance naked."

Edward pouted mightily at Alphonse who stoically ignored his sibling in favor of the passing scenery. Deciding finally that pouting wasn't going to work this time, he reasoned that whining might have more of an effect. "Please don't make me do this, Al. I know that you and Hawkeye cheated on those bets. If we just turn around and go home now, I promise that I’ll forget all about it. Really."

Al sighed. "Niisan," he stated firmly. "Those bets were not rigged. If you'd just stop betting against people who you know are just going to beat you, then this wouldn't have happened. Maybe this will teach you a lesson."

"I've learned my lesson! I'll never do it again! Just don't make me do this!!!"

"No, brother. You've made your bed, now lie in it."

~~~

Roy Mustang loved his birthday. The weather was always beautiful, and the presents were many and varied. This birthday was somehow different though. Sure he still got the gifts from random women, and those were great and all, but for some reason the people in his office had all gone insane for some reason.

Riza and Jean were missing; Hughes was nowhere to be seen, and the rest of his crew had spent the entire day chuckling and smirking to themselves. Whenever one would manage to catch the eye of any of the others it would set off a chain reaction of nearly hysterical laughter that took what Roy thought was an unreasonable amount of time to stop. Really, couldn’t they wait just one more day to go crazy?

He'd even considered briefly that they might have forgotten that it was his birthday, but that couldn't be it since every one of them (missing members included) had stopped by to congratulate him for surviving Fullmetal for another year. If that wasn't the case, though, what could be their problem? He didn't have anything on his uniform. He’d looked earlier this morning. His face was clear. He didn't have any odd cowlicks. What in the world was wrong with his people today?

The sound of someone screaming broke his train of thought. He recognized that voice. Of course he'd never heard the boy sound quite like that before. Roy was about to investigate the cause of that panicked sound when the door burst open and a warm bundle of blonde, skin, and red struck him full force in the chest.

Riza saluted and Al smirked. "Enjoy, sir!" they chorused and slammed the door.

Skin? Edward didn't show skin in his office. Roy blinked, but Edward was still pressing against him from chest to knees and wearing only his coat?

pause/restart brain

Yep. Still there. Only three words were appropriate in this situation.

"What the fuck??"

Golden eyes slowly rose to meet stunned midnight blue. Roy watched as the widened in horror to resemble golden coins. Ed decided that he only needed two words.

"Oh, SHIT!"

Colonel Mustang hadn't gotten to where he was by allowing opportunities to pass him by. He grabbed Ed before the boy could bolt and pulled the smaller body even more firmly against his chest. "Oh, my. What have we here? Going somewhere, Fullmetal?"

Ed's cheeks turned as red as his coat when he felt his commander's voice purr against his barely covered skin. "Sh-shut up, bastard! I was tricked! I was coerced! Let me go!"

"Oh I don't think so, Ed. After all, why would I want to give back the present that Al and Riza were thoughtful enough to procure for me?"

"I'm not your present, Colonel-shit! Let me go!"

Ed's struggles had managed to work open the fastenings of his coat and the fabric gaped open showing a firm smooth chest and that impossibly short grass hula skirt. Roy felt his mouth water.

Clutching Edward tightly to him, he rasped, "Edward, if you don't want me, then say so now. Otherwise I'm going to fuck you into the floor."

Ed felt his mouth go dry. "I-I... uh...."

"Answer, Fullmetal. Now."

Edward's vision was filled with the blue of Mustang's uniform, and he felt sudden, unexpected pleasure in the thought that he had managed to make the man lose his calm for even an instant. Still, was that worth his virginity? Looking up into Roy's carefully expressionless face, Edward faltered. It was the sight of the older man's eyes, darkened and burning with tightly leashed passion that made his decision, and Edward did what he was so good at doing.

He threw caution to the winds and leaped off the edge.

"God yes."

Strong fingers carded through Ed's hair, separating his braid and snapping the band. Callouses scraped over scarred skin when Roy raked his hands over Edward’s shoulders and down his arms, sending the coat dropping to the floor in a pool of crimson.

Ed clawed at the colonel's jacket, struggling to get it off the man. The many buttons defeated him though and he finally jerked it open, scattering buttons across the floor. Roy laughed. The deep husky sound skittered down Ed’s spine and over his nerves and set him on fire. He lunged at the man and the two of them tore feverishly at each other’s clothes, uncaring if they ripped anything getting it off. Roy wasn't completely gone though, as he carefully avoided removing the skirt from his new lover.

When Ed reached for it, Roy gripped his hands and moved them gently away. "Leave it, Edward."

"I won't let you pretend I’m a fucking woman, Mustang."

Mustang smirked and palmed Ed's throbbing erection. "Don't worry, Ed. I know you're a man. Now I’m going to fuck you like one." He pulled away slightly and gazed down at Edward with the sultriest expression the boy had ever seen. "Get on the desk, Fullmetal."

"I thought you said you were going to fuck me into the floor, Colonel-shit."

Roy's smile was slow, sensual, and completely wicked. "We'll get there, Edward, never fear." He slapped playfully at Ed’s semi-exposed bottom. "Now get on the desk."

Al and Riza stood guard outside the door. They squirmed uncomfortably at the muffled groans and shrieks from behind them, and glared balefully to hurry along anyone who might be thinking of lingering in front of the colonel's office, and Al turned to his co-conspirator.

"Do you think we did the right thing?"

"Of course." Riza replied, sounding completely un-ruffled. "Haven't you noticed how they look at each other when they think the other isn't looking?"

Alphonse winced at a particularly piercing scream from his brother. "But it sounds like the colonel's hurting him."

Riza pinned him with an exceptionally serious gaze. "Trust me, Alphonse. Colonel Mustang would never ever do anything to your brother that Edward didn't wholeheartedly want him to do."

As if to agree with Hawkeye’s statement Ed’s cries turned into something slightly more coherent. "Oh God OHGODOHGODOHGOD!! ROY!!!" A broken litany of 'yes' and 'more, harder' followed this and Al could feel his face heat.

"I guess you're right." He conceded.

Riza nodded and they went back to scaring away gawkers.

Hours later as Roy stroked his fingers idly through Ed’s silky hair as they cuddled, a sudden thought occurred to him. "Ed."

After a moment with no response he nudged his lover and, slightly louder, repeated the name.

"Mmmph."

"Can you really hula?"

"mmhmm... learned for you." The blonde mumbled.

Roy held the boy tighter and decided right then that he had never had a better birthday.

You know you read too much Yaoi when...

2005-12-29T05:34:28Z

1. Lemons and Limes no longer mean fruit to you.

2. Whenever you see a hot guy you immediately start mentally pairing him with another one.

3. Men are no longer people that you want to personally sleep with.

4. When you see a book titled 'Hula-ing for Dummies' and you envision Edward in a grass miniskirt.

5. When you hear the song 'Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" and it instantly translates in your brain as "Save a Havoc, Ride a Mustang"

6. You actually know what the word yaoi means.

7. You can read and understand all of the little codes and codewords that come on the warning lines of the story.

I couldn't think of any more so please feel free to add some!!

Hula-ing for Dummies

2005-12-28T06:33:18Z

Title: Hula-ing for Dummies

Author: Feisonna@yahoo.com

Pairing: Roooooy x Edwaaaard (or some variation thereof)

Rating: R-ish?

Summary: Pure unadulterated weirdness brought about by that song from Lilo and Stitch

Author’s Note: Well I’m still researching for the sequel to Wax Poetic so I’m not really sure how long it’s going to take. *sigh* Also I’m not really sure that this story has a point since I just feel like writing something to have a legitimate excuse to take a break, so I’m just babbling my way into a story here. Hope it’s good for you. =D

Disclaimer:

To whom it may concern:

The author of this story does not necessarily agree with anything in this story. It is solely the fault of a heretofore unnamed muse. In addition neither the author nor the nameless muse owns any characters, ideas, songs, words, letters, and/or programs which may be used forthwith to write this story. No money is made in this sad attempt to write whatever this is and the aforementioned disclaimer is really nothing more than a load of shit that no one reads but that the author has to put in this space so that no one things that her poor self might own anything (even pocket lint, as she cannot even afford pockets). Therefore, inasmuch as she has bothered to write this pile of crap, please keep in mind that she doesn’t even have control over her muses much less any pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, etc. that could not possibly result from this overflowing latrine of wordy bull puckey. Thank you and please feel free to flame. *snerk*

Sincerely,

Feisonna

Hula-ing for Dummies

“Really, brother, I think you really should swing your hips the otherway on the up beat.”

Ed sighed. “Al, I told you the last time that it says you swing to the left right before you go into the twirl.”

“But that throws your balance all off!”

Now usually Ed would be ecstatic to be with his newly restored brother, but today was just not one of those days. Really, one would think that it would be easy for two such accomplished alchemists to figure out how to do one stupid dance, but Al just wasn’t helping. Of course one would also think that Ed would be the last person trying to learn to hula. The blonde growled mentally and swore once again that he would never ever again bet against Riza Hawkeye about anything.

“Just hold the stupid book higher, Al, so I can get this over with.”

The darker boy released a frustrated breath and turned the book outward. “Yes, brother.”

~~~~

Four agonizing hours later Ed still couldn’t swing left and then twirl right. He snatched the book of the devil from his exasperated brother (who was really just trying to help him) and proceeded to rip the evil thing to teeny tiny pieces. Alphonse was torn between laughter and a reprimand for his brother destroying that most sacred of all things, a book. Still, his brother could repair it, he supposed and picked laughter.

Smothered snickers pulled Edward from his methodical shredding. He glowered fiercely at the culprit before turning back to actually sneer at his good sized pile of paper.

Seeing Edward’s upper lip pull back from his teeth to actually shimmy in disgust was all it took to make Al completely lose it. Falling backward the boy howled with laugher. He rolled back and forth across the floor with tears streaming down his flushed cheeks. Ed waited with swiftly thinning patience for his brother to finish. After a few moments, when the other boy didn’t stop or even slow down, Edward snarled and raked his arm through his semi-neat pile sending paper fluttering to the floor.

“Fine then, know it all! You do it!!”

Alphonse managed to control himself and bounced to his feet. “What, you don’t think I can?”

“Of course not! Hell, no one can do this!! That book was a crock!”

Al’s smile turned fierce. “Alright, brother. If I can do it then you’ll have to offer up a forfeit.”

Ed humphed. “Fine. If you can make it on the first try, I’ll give you what ever you want.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear. Watch and learn, brother.”

The blonde watched with wide eyes as his little brother executed the perfect bounce, step, step, swing left, then turn. When the darker boy stood triumphantly before him, Ed just goggled for a split second before stuttering, “No way! You cheated!! I know you did! That bet was rigged…”

Al smirked. “Ah-ah, brother. Admit it. I won, you lost. Now you owe me!”

Conceding defeat, Ed hung his head, blonde strands concealing his face. “Fine, fine. What do you want, you fiend.”

“When you hula at Roy’s birthday party, you’ll do it in a grass miniskirt.”

~~~

Across town at Central HQ Roy’s head lifted from where it was… ahem…. studying the grain of his desk. Had that just been Fullmetal that he heard screaming??

TBC (soon)

Note on Disclaimers

2005-12-26T16:51:22Z

Since I just got bored with typing "not mine no money" over and over and over again I thought I'd just get a little more creative. Be prepared for weirdness in the disclaimer section from now on!!

Merry Christmas!

FINALLY!!!!!

2005-12-10T05:44:32Z

After many trials, tribulations, and bouts of forgetfulness, I have persevered!! Ha! Take that!!! So... Military Rank goes as follows: (I'm posting this here so I don't lose it again) privates, sargents (if that's spelled wrong then bite me. even spell check don't know), warrant officers, 2nd lieutenant, 1st lieutenant, captain, major, lt.colonel, colonel, brig. gen., major gen., lt. gen., general, fuhrer. oh happiest of joys!

happy clams

2005-12-05T04:21:44Z

there's a saying that has always bothered me. i mean how do you know that clams are happy?? they're in a shell. they have no choice but to smile all the time. they could be sad. they could be ambivalent. heck they could be flaming pissed. who knows what moods clams have?? maybe they're screaming "OH HELL NO! DON'T EAT ME!" *snerk* all happy clams beware!

Note on Flames

2005-12-04T17:19:54Z

Truthfully enough, I'm just as thrilled by getting flamed as I am by getting reviewed. Why??? Because, I'm happy with getting someone thinking enough to flame me for what I wrote. Hell, I'm almost happier getting flamed, just for that reason. I don't think that people should have prejiduce against others for any reason, so if I can plant even a tiny seed of doubt in someone's hatred (or just dislike) for others then I'm content.

Save a Havoc, Ride a Mustang Part II

2005-12-02T19:59:48Z

Well here's Part Two people! This didn't really turn out how I'd expected but I think I kind of like it anyway. Hope you like it too!

And it is RoyxEd now!! :D:D

Ah. Another mission, another trip to see the asshole extraordinaire. Sometimes Edward wondered why he even bothered going to make his report since the shit colonel already knew everything that happened anyway. Really he should get more research money for having to put up with Mustang's crap. Yeah right. When hell freezes over, he thought snidely.

Headquarters was the same as always. Ed managed to avoid Hughes and his magic picture album (it had to be magic. How else would it just appear out of nowhere?) With the ease of long practice, and he slunk cautiously down the halls in case the man had somehow managed to avoid his mostly accurate Maes-dar.

The door to the outer office was closed. He carefully cracked it open and peaked through the narrow opening. Still no Hughes. He was almost home free!! Edward threw the door open and made a break for Roy's office. A booted foot met with the wood just as Riza glanced up from her own work.

"Ed wait, don't…!"

It was too late. The blond loosed a bloodcurdling scream and slapped a hand over his face. "MY EYES! I've been scared for life! Help! Oh, the trauma!! Soap! Give me soap! Waaaaaahhhhhh!!!"

Roy sighed and lifted his lips from the breast of the nude woman decorating his desk. "Really, Fullmetal, don't you think that's just a bit extreme?"

Edward was still flailing around the office, destroying desks, paperwork, and basically any other object that managed to get in front of his wailing, and temporarily blinded, body. "You utter bastard! You knew I was coming back today! Couldn't you have just kept it in your pants for a few freaking hours until I gave my report?"

The colonel offered up a condescending grin. "But, Edward, today is an 'M' day. Don't you like Maria?"

Ed snarled. "Just keep your sluts away from the office until I get out of it."

The grin morphed into an evil smirk. "Jealous, Fullmetal?" Roy purred.

Edward froze. Maria gave up trying to sneak quietly out of the room and just made a break for the door. The other people in the room scattered like frightened mice, and the only one who was brave enough not to hide under the furniture was Hawkeye, though even she hunched down a bit to make herself a smaller target.

Thunderclouds seemed to gather over the ceiling as the blonde alchemist's face darkened dangerously. "Excuse me?"

Mustang carefully eased a hand into his pocket and palmed his glove. "Oh I think you heard me Edward. I asked if you were jealous."

Edwards's hands clapped together and lightning crackled. Roy yanked his gloved hand out of his pocket and snapped sending a gout of fire directly in front of Edward, hoping to break his concentration. It didn't work. Roy barely managed to evade the lightning that would have fried him and swiftly ducked behind one of the desks, coming eye to eye with Havoc who grinned at him. "That'll teach you to steal people's girlfriends won't it colonel?"

Mustang growled at his subordinate and snapped again.

Ed jerked to face Havoc's desk, alerted to Roy's presence by the rising smoke and Jean's pained yelp.

"Come out of there and face me you chicken shit! I'll turn you into a fish! (1) Or better yet I'll make you the snake you are. Out, bastard, or I'll fry you like a shrimp!"

Roy laughed. "The only shrimp in here is you, Fullmetal."

~~**~~

Later that night, after some repainting, transmuting the files back from piles of ash, and putting the wall back where it belonged, the two miscreants tried to talk themselves out of jail.

"But really, sir, it was an accident! Just an experiment that got out of control."

Detective Fleming pinned Ed with a harsh glare. "Young man. This is the second time in less than a month that you have ended up in my station. I am beginning to think that you're not only a danger to the populace but that someone" Here he glowered at Roy. "is contributing to your delinquency. In order to teach you both a lesson, you'll be spending tonight here."

Roy started to protest, and the Detective frowned fiercely at the colonel. "And if I hear one word of argument, then I'll keep you both here until the judge comes back from vacation!"

Chastened but not subdued, Roy settled back into his chair. "Well, since I suppose there's no way to avoid it…"

"There's not. Get comfortable boys. You'll be here until at least tomorrow evening. Randall, take them to the back cell."

One of the policemen across the room snapped to attention. "Yes, sir!"

One glimpse of the 'back cell' was enough to send Edward right back toward the door. He reached it just as it banged shut behind the guard and he immediately started pounding on it and screaming.

"Don't leave me in here with the pervert! There's only one bed! I'll be molested in my sleep! Raaaaaammph."

"Shut up!" Roy hissed. "I don't want to be here any more than you do, but there's no reason to act like a woman about it."

Ed shook off the restraining hand. "Ha!" he pointed a shaking finger at the colonel. "You wish I was a woman just so you'll have someone in here you can fuck!"

Roy's eyes grew heavy lidded and his mouth stretched into a sensual smile. "Oh, but, Edward… you don't have to be a woman for me to fuck you." He prowled forward, stalking his prey.

Edward gave ground and eyed Roy like a bird looks at a snake. "I-I .."

Roy just kept coming. Ed loosed a terrified squeak and turned to flee. Roy tackled him before he had even taken one step. They rolled across the floor, Ed fighting him with all his strength. Eventually Roy overpowered the smaller boy, though it was a close match there for a moment. He held Ed's wrists to the floor on either side of that golden hair and lowered his head to ghost his lips across Edward's. "Let me, Edward. Let me make you feel good."

Long lashes swept downward over Ed's golden eyes. Shyly the boy tilted his face upward and offered his lips to Roy. "Yes." He breathed.

Roy pressed more firmly against those trembling lips and lightly outlined them with his tongue. "Open for me, Ed."

The blond allowed his lips to part and Roy swept in for a deep soul searching kiss and Ed whimpered.

~~**~~

Roy was exhausted and thoroughly pleased. Sleepily he pulled the warm bundle of Elric closer to him and sighed, burrowing his face into mussed golden hair. The sound caught Edward's attention and he shifted to stare harshly into hazy blue-grey.

"Just one thing, Colonel Shit."

"Mmmh?"

"From now on, every night had better be an 'E' night."

"Jealous, Fullmetal?"

Ed sounded sullen when he answered. "Maybe, and no more stealing Havoc's girlfriends!"

For the first time in a long while, Roy Mustang truly laughed. "Of course not, Fullmetal. Now go to sleep."

Owari~

(1) In whichever of the eps where he meets Psiren he says this before he gets a shot.

Part One

Save a Havoc, Ride a Mustang

2005-12-02T03:31:50Z

No shit there I was, sitting there reading some random FMA fic and listening to my pretty new speakers that I'd just hooked up, when Big and Rich came on. Now I'm not an awfully big country fan most of the time but I really like that song. And while I was listening to it i just thought of Roy. You know... horse...mustang?? Well, this is what happened. It's not quite there yet but this IS going to be a RoyxEd soon so... I thought i'd post it now and try to get my train of thought back. Plus I'm a shameless attention seeker. For the moment though, there is a small ammount of Het in here so if you're squicked by that then don't read it. But it's really funny though!

Disclaimer: It ain't mine, I know it ain't mine, and I just do these things because I can.

Save a Havoc, Ride a Mustang

Roy swaggered into the office just like he did every Friday morning and started handing out paychecks. Havoc absently glanced down at his and he nearly growled. A hundred?? Just a hundred? What the hell?? Since when? Fury beat him to the punch though.

“Excuse me, colonel, but since when did we get a pay reduction?”

Roy smirked. “Just passing out the obligatory hundred dollar bill. Doesn’t it thrill you to get one from me?”

The office facevaulted and the colonel wandered toward his office, muttering. “I wonder if I can get some cow horns installed on the front of the car.”

Havoc looked at Fury who looked at Hawkeye who sweatdropped. “Why would he… no. Never mind. I don’t really want to know. Let’s just get back to work.”

There was a collective relieved sigh. “Yes, sir, Lieutenant Hawkeye.”

“Damn, I need a drink.” Havoc murmured before turning back to the file that he had been diligently annotating.

~~**~~

At that exact moment the two brothers Elric were reclining comfortably on a train headed for Central. Edward was bored. Al had been unusually quiet on the return trip and didn’t bother trying to keep his brother occupied. Still all the sighing that was going on in the seat across from him was getting on his nerves and kept breaking his train of thought, so he decided to share them.

“Niisan?”

Edward perked immediately up and Al felt vaguely guilty for adding to his brother’s depression. “What’s up, Al?”

“Have you ever thought of learning to ride, niisan?”

Ed’s face screwed up into a disgusted expression. “Hell no! All that bouncing around has to be hard on the ass, and horses are notoriously stubborn animals besides. And it’s not like we can’t just take the train where ever we need to go anyway.”

“But, brother…”

A wolf whistle cut through his words. “Woohoo boys! Just look at this pretty little thang we got here! Don’t say you don’t wanna ride, honey!” The man howled with laughter.

Edward, over the course of a second, managed to go from ghost white to apoplectic purple. “Who are you calling such a microscopic chibi that you can’t tell the difference between him and a little girl!!”

Alphonse lunged for him, but his brother was quicker.

Three broken arms, two concussions, and a wrecked train car later the seriously injured train limped into Central Station to undergo some much needed repairs. The two unconscious miners were transported by ambulance to the hospital and the Elrics were carted off (Edward bound hand and foot and tossed across the back of a horse of all things) to an interrogation and a waiting jail cell.

~~**~~

Four and a half hours later an irate Fullmetal stalked through the outer office and nearly threw the Colonel’s door off its hinges. Al trailed sheepishly behind his brother and shrugged apologetically at the other occupants of the room.

Roy looked up from his dreaded paperwork. “Ah, Fullmetal. Do come in and …”

SLAM!

Al winced, and looked sadly at the new crack in the doorframe.

Ten seconds later Hawkeye, Havoc, Fury, Farman, Breda, hell even Hughes (who was passing out beer) had pulled up chairs into a half circle around the colonel’s closed door. Alphonse reclined pensively against the outside wall as he listened to the crashes and enraged shrieking that emanated from behind the cracked but still functional door.

“…had to sit there until Winry put her car up as bail, you piece of SHIT!”

Hughes coughed and wiggled a finger in his ear smirking all the while. “I do believe that Fullmetal managed a whole new decibel level there!” He stated proudly and tipped his beer back again.

“…HORSE, GODDAMNIT!”

Maes looked over at Al who was hunching down and trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. “What in the world happened on that train, Alphonse?”

The boy sighed. “Some men in the back of the car were walking past us and they called niisan a little girl.”

Havoc whistled and looked vaguely ill. “Are they still alive?”

Al managed a weak chuckle. “Barely. But the train may never recover.”

Hawkeye’s expression turned questioning. “Explain please.”

“Brother and I were talking about learning to ride horses and one of the men overheard. They said something about a little girl like him learning to ride. I really tried to stop him! But you know how he gets, and then after he broke one of them over a couple of train seats then threw another one of them out the window…”

“I hope it was an open window.” Fury ventured.

“Ah, no. Anyway the one that went out the window got thrown into the stack somehow and blocked the smoke inside the train and it overheated the engine and now it has to be repaired and we have to pay for it. Anyway, when they arrested us they tied niisan over the back of a horse and Colonel Mustang wouldn’t post our bail since the incident wasn't pertaining to a mission really, and we had to call Winry and she put her car up as insurance on our bail.”

When Edward stormed out of Roy’s office all of the chairs where back where they belonged, and the beer had all been stashed. Hughes and Havoc were still rolling around on the floor and cackling, while the rest of the outer office was suspiciously empty of everyone but his little brother.

“Where did everybody else go?”

Al was very happy that armor couldn’t really have expressions. “Um… I think there was something that had to be moved somewhere.”

Edward glowered. “Well what’s their problem?” He nodded toward the hyenas howling on the floor.

Alphonse just shrugged and followed his brother out of the office. At the door the blond stopped and glanced back.

“Freaks all of you.”

Al made sure the door shut quietly behind them.

~~**~~

Tonight was an 'F' night. Havoc's new girl Felice would do nicely. Grinning Roy reached for the phone and set about ruining Jean's night.

"Hello, Felice? How would you like to accompany me to dinner tonight? Wonderful. How about seven? Ah, yes. I'll see you then. Yes. Dress well, if you please; it's formal dining there. No, thank you…"

click

The ride to the best restaurant in Central was made quickly and Roy thought that this event was partially because his driver for the night was trying to get away from the chatter box in the back as quickly as possible. Still, Felice was as lovely as any lady that graced Roy Mustang's arm in public. That really was what mattered in women who he dated wasn't it?

When they arrived at the restaurant he looked sadly back at the car. Still no cow horns. Pouting, he turned toward the double doors leading into his favorite place to dine.

Broadway was packed at this time of night, and Roy merely smirked at the harried looking maitre d' who was busily trying to find everyone a seat. "Overbooked again, Adam?"

The harried looking man sighed. "Naturally, Colonel. It always seems to work that way whenever some fool forgets what happened last time and lets Drew take reservations. Someday they'll just give up and fire him."

The Colonel's smirk stretched into a sympathetic grin. "Not likely, Adam. He's the best cook in Central, after all."

Adam laughed. "Well it doesn't really matter, because they never give out your table this close to seven. Tonight is an 'F' night right?"

Roy chuckled. "Indeed. Adam, meet Miss Felice Carrington."

Felice, despite looking puzzled, gracefully extended her hand toward Adam and studied him like a bug found floating in her soup.

Adam was every inch the gentleman. He swiftly brushed his lips over her knuckles. "Pleasure, Miss Carrington. If you will step this way, we'll get you seated."

~~**~~

Dinner had been a fiasco. Not only was Felice not a good conversationalist, but she ate like a piglet and managed to get her food everywhere. And she was drunk. Still the Colonel had not managed to reach his rank without having a little perseverance and he doggedly pushed forward with his plans, much to his later dismay.

Somewhere around one am when she was once again screaming, "Oh, Mustang, my pretty pony, my beautiful thorough bred man, ride me! Ride me harder!" Roy had resorted to harsh panting and even louder moaning just in an attempt to drown out that incessant screeching that was distracting him from his own pleasure.

Surely, he should be able to ignore that and have his own big and rich time while going just as far as he wanted to go. (Felice had offered no protest to anything he'd suggested.) It really wasn't going that well though. Finally he had to lower himself to thinking about the last girlfriend he'd had and a series of short, nearly desperate thrusts later he peaked.

That didn't shut her up though. Evidently the crazy female thought the two of them should move to the country, get a house with a pond so they could listen to the frogs croak, and adopt Black Hayate as their love child. He sent up a quick prayer for her to be struck dumb and rolled over to pretend that he was sleeping.

Havoc definitely needed to date a higher class of woman.

Part two

Save a Horse

2005-12-01T18:14:07Z

OMG!! hahahaha.... Women everywhere shiver and quiver!!! It's Save a Havoc, Ride a Mustang! ROFLMAO Can't you just see it?? he's always stealing havoc's women! and there you go.... elric vs. flame I must go write it now! hehehehe.... off i go!